Confused
have you ever feel confused about your own identity?
have you ever been on one stage in your life where you are searching who you really are and be confused with everything around you?
i am sure most of us. the key lies in ‘when’?
i feel that i have learned a lot since my form 6 life until now.
i do envy those who get the chance to go through colleges without still being stuck in white and blue uniforms like us who did form 6
however, i am glad with the path i have chosen
it somehow prepared me to face this world of cruelty
i am confused with who i am
things i used to believe, things i used to have a strong stand on
i am no longer sure
i don’t even know what to believe sometimes
there are things that i need to force myself to conform, not because i wanted to but because that is how the society works
there are things that i do not wish to do, which are against the principles that i have set to myself since young
while i get older, how come things become even more confused than it has been previously?
the feeling of lost, not knowing what is wrong or right, left me feeling extremely fragile and helpless
i always regard myself as different from the mainstreams
because i tend to think in ways that the mainstreams do not think
is it good? or is it bad? is that why it makes me for who i am? is that why people think that i am weird?
or it is so obvious that i have to change in order to follow the crowd so that i won’t be deemed as weird?
i used to believe and strongly feel about my own principles
now, i no longer can be sure
right or wrong is very subjective, isn’t it? just like how beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.
i tried not to use my own moral values to judge the actions of others
but at the same time, don’t others are judging me with their own moral values?
how do i react? i used to feel strongly about myself, despite the negatives comments i received for who i am
because i know i only have myself to answer to, i shall not care about others.
but now, getting older, things do not move in the direction i thought it would be
and i am getting more and more confused, more lost than in any stages of my life.
i have truly and seriously lost myself in the process of searching for who i am.
i just want to be who i am.
