The Unwanted

the most trusted one said
‘at time life is like that. you gotta do what you don’t want to do. Don’t think of it as a task then things will be better.’

Master Cheng Yan, from Tzu Chi said
‘ We must carry out our tasks according to principles, not let our principles be compromised by our tasks.’

can you find a balance between the two?
it is difficult. but hey, Welcome to Adulthood!

there are times, we just have to wave off the negative comments we get from others.
it is good to take it as a reference, but do stand tall if we were to feel that we are at no wrong.
there are times, we just have to know when to shut up, because we have no rights to comment on other people’s life based on your own judgment.
there are times, there are more than what we see on the surface, don’t shoot out words on how some people should lead their lives, because what you are observing is so limited that you don’t have the right to even comment.

are you able to do that? i am still learning.

Chowchow sent me this

Bimbo Leong sent me this

two completely different friends, sending me both completely different things.

aren’t they cute?

have you ever feel confused about your own identity?
have you ever been on one stage in your life where you are searching who you really are and be confused with everything around you?

i am sure most of us. the key lies in ‘when’?

i feel that i have learned a lot since my form 6 life until now.
i do envy those who get the chance to go through colleges without still being stuck in white and blue uniforms like us who did form 6
however, i am glad with the path i have chosen
it somehow prepared me to face this world of cruelty

i am confused with who i am
things i used to believe, things i used to have a strong stand on
i am no longer sure
i don’t even know what to believe sometimes
there are things that i need to force myself to conform, not because i wanted to but because that is how the society works
there are things that i do not wish to do, which are against the principles that i have set to myself since young
while i get older, how come things become even more confused than it has been previously?
the feeling of lost, not knowing what is wrong or right, left me feeling extremely fragile and helpless

i always regard myself as different from the mainstreams
because i tend to think in ways that the mainstreams do not think
is it good? or is it bad? is that why it makes me for who i am? is that why people think that i am weird?
or it is so obvious that i have to change in order to follow the crowd so that i won’t be deemed as weird?
i used to believe and strongly feel about my own principles
now, i no longer can be sure

right or wrong is very subjective, isn’t it? just like how beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.
i tried not to use my own moral values to judge the actions of others
but at the same time, don’t others are judging me with their own moral values?
how do i react? i used to feel strongly about myself, despite the negatives comments i received for who i am
because i know i only have myself to answer to, i shall not care about others.
but now, getting older, things do not move in the direction i thought it would be
and i am getting more and more confused, more lost than in any stages of my life.

i have truly and seriously lost myself in the process of searching for who i am.

i just want to be who i am.

在寻找自己的同时也失去了自我

feel like posting some random stuff…
to give those that i have not been seeing often some updates

one of my Singaporean group mates from TR that day protested
‘why can’t we speak Singlish? why must we speak proper english? i am very proud of my Singlish. it’s our culture!’
‘umm…so that the ang moh’s can understand us better if we were to speak proper english?’
‘then why not they learn to speak our Singlish? Singlish is so convenient! imagine if you were to say
[we are late, could you please hurry up?]
don’t you think it is much faster if we can just say
[wei..faster lar can?]
or if you were to say
[i beg you pardon?]
it will be so so convenient by just saying
[HAR?]

the above conversation came out randomly during one of our meetings and i was laughing so hard!

the next thing that i would like to share is…or i would like to complain…or i would like to ask someone to enlighten me about

Incident 1:
my clustermate bathed with the bf in the same cubicle one day while i was about to enter the toilet. ok. i can understand if your bf comes to visit you and he has no where to shower and he is FORCED to use our bathroom. FINE! i would not be so inconsiderate or not open minded about things like that. BUT! both of them actually were chatting happily while bathing…=.='’
i knocked on my cluster leader’s door to inform her about this. and while we were discussing on this matter, the bf came out of the bathroom in his underwear, just his underwear, and were looking at us without feeling embarrassed.

Incident 2:
the bf is wearing only his boxers, searching for food in our fridge at 1am. =.=”’

Incident 3:
the bf is washing his hands at our toilet basin, in his boxers again, plus wearing it low enough to show us his butt crack…=.=”’

Incident 4:
the bf is in his boxers yet again, openly cutting watermelon in our kitchen. =.=”’

i feel like i am no longer staying in a all-girl’s cluster…