The Unwanted

Once, the fortune teller told me

others agreed to

but why?

i do not understand

why can’t?

why others can?

why no one believes in me?

i strongly remained my stand

until you prove me wrong and others right

While picking up the broken pieces, slowly…tracking each of them
reality hit all in a sudden, giving no warning
witnessing the handful of broken pieces collected, dropping and shattering all on the floor in slow motion
all pieces even more shattered and broken than before
realizing..there is no longer a reason to pick them up
squatting down..tears fall and wet the bloody fingers

You know it is seldom you get friends or even people who are really into making the Earth a better to live, or shall i say trying to save our poor little Earth.
Chow, who is actively involved in Tzu Chi Association is stressing on the importance on Recycling to us

Situation 1:
‘ lets go have dinner. i am hungry.’
‘ok!’
‘lets packet the food back, i feel like watching movie while eating’
’sure! *running to the kitchen*’
‘where are you going?’
‘ Bring the tupperware for the food mar. Save the earth, remember?!”
‘ Orh.’

Situation 2:
‘ you drank coffee again!’
‘ *shy* yealor.’
‘ where are you going to throw the can?*with stern look*’
‘*pressured* errr…downstairs gua. *keeping the fact that i actually thought of throwing it into the dustbin earlier on.* ‘
‘ downstairs where? the recycle bin or the normal dustbin?’
‘err…the recycle bin.’
‘*contented* ok! good!’

everyday, i was looking at the can. refraining myself to throw at the kitchen. recalling Chow Chow’s words. making a note to myself that i must remember to bring it down to throw it at the recycle bin.
———————————————————————————————-

few weeks ago, i have been actively discussing my difficulty to poo poo everyday with friends
and the fact that you cannot poo the toxin out of your body is not something good
i had been trying all ways to make sure i have the urge to poo
i ate banana everyday, drank lots of lots of water
and when you are stressing on things like that..good friends of mine will be like

BimboLeong: ‘ hey, have you poo today?’
me: ‘ no. sadly. *sigh*’
BimboLeong: ‘ haha…im goin to poo now. and get what? don be jealous arr. this is my second time of the day!!! bwahahhaa…*evil laughter to the max*
me: ‘ =.=…..friends hor…’

It is never stated in the gym regulations that girls are not allowed to use the machines provided for building muscle.
still, i get weird looks from people, especially guys whenever i use the dumbbell, working out at those huge iron machines.
that kind of look, ‘ huh? what the hell is she doing with those ‘guys thing’ ?’
or guys whispering to each other, laughing at my direction and when i looked at them, they get embarrassed and stopped. how gossipy can guys be!

ms. novee, i did go through the period when i was extra conscious with it too.
however, i don’t know what went wrong ( or went right? ), i do not bother much now.
ms. novee was puzzled at the things that i am conscious about.
i am fine with myself, approaching the dumbbell section
even if there were guys who busied themselves lifting up the gigantic weight( whatever you call them)
i even lift weights in front of the mirror, like how guys admiring their muscles for long hours
but, i am NOT fine with carrying out myself well normally
i am confused with myself and do think i am weird
why?
my confidence level can be so low that it drives ms. bimbo leong crazy and throws her arms in the air ‘ i gave up! ‘
also, it makes ms. novee having the urge to inject her confidence cells into me and asks ms.bimbo leong to donate some of hers.

p/s: this is quite random. however, it is really hard to look at the numerous types of chocolates and potato chips in the supermarket, at the same time trying to refrain myself to take it to the cashier. and someone even suggested me to go on a strict diet for a week, surviving with fruits and vegetables. *sobs* i really can’t do it at all. how disappointing myself can be sometimes.