The Unwanted

yesterday was my birthday.
i din blow any candles this year
haha…yea. on my 21st birthday.
not tat my frens totally ignore me
just tat i told them i really do not want a cake
coz i really hate the fuss of buying a cake, singing a song
then we are forced to finish the cake no matter how full we are
if we were to keep the unfinished cake in the fridge
TRUST ME!! we will end up NOT eating the cake
and let it rot in the fridge until we are being reminded of it the next time we buy a cake AGAIN
coz the four of us are not really cake lovers u see
it is the thought tat counts
yes, to me, it is the thought tat counts.
aren’t u glad to have me as your fren now?? *fluttering lashes*
BWAHAHA
one thing i realized
my frens were like more HIGH than me on my birthday
im sorry i was not that enthusiastic
i also dunno what the reason was
it seems like being 21 is not tat great after all
i feel tat my shoulders seem heavier
with all the responsibilities that i need to bear on my own
it seems scary and yet challenging
im all ready to hop into the next level of my life
wish me luck!

thank you everyone for all the birthday wishes.
i really appreciate them
thanks *ahem* Susan for that nicely photoshopped post of yours in ur blog
thanks Shelley for the meaningful post as well
im blessed with great buddies in NUS *wink*
wat can i ask for more?!

YES!! I am. and..I have always been.
though, seriously, I hate it when people tend to judge me
based on their first impression towards me
I would say I do not give people a good impression
good impression in the sense that someone who is not BLUR
this is because it is making me sick with people asking me
‘ do u understand what is goin on? you look BLUR!’
WT*!
It has been hard for me to accept the fact that I look blur lor
and then when I am seriously following what you were saying or trying to say
you just gave me a doubt look telling me I look blur
which is to me, a total insult
ok. some of you might think,
‘what’s so big deal/ a big matter people recall you as blur?’
well..*deep breath*
THATZ BECAUSE YOU HAVE NOT MET PEOPLE WHO UNDERESTIMATE YOUR CAPABILITY JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE BORN WITH THE BLUR LOOK

in short, I find it very contradicting.
I hate people to judge me by the look
while I myself is a judgemental person especially based on the very first impression
I would say I learnt a new lesson this week
I would not be judgemental anymore
coz I totally judge a person so wrongly that I feel ashamed of myself
but..I am glad I found out before everything is too late
Lesson Learnt! and I am happy..=D

i don feel rite
i knew something is wrong
but i dunno why
coz nowadays i don feel hyper, happy or cheerful
as if im sinking into deep depression
all i want to do is just stay in my room
lying on my comfy bed doing nothing
it is as if everyday im living for no purpose
as if im not looking forward to anything nothing at all
is it becoz i can sense that im gonna screw up this semester again?
NO!!! i cnt think tat
i must be OPTIMISTIC
the semester has not even started yet
and im giving up???!!
THATZ NOT THE WAY!!!

well, going to turn 21 soon( no intention to remind anything though)
guess growing up is a cruel thing
coz the more grown up you are
the more things you will be witnessing yourself
like how realistic this world can be
im starting to lose myself
or should i say, im lost already?
im upset the fact that one has to change in order to survive in this cruel world
i can see myself changing
changing into someone that i no longer familiar with
which im very upset with
coz i miss myself
but need to remind myself at the same time
that there is no way i can return
i need to fight back
i need to stand up for myself

i need to hug my bunny and go to bed…to avoid myself again