The Unwanted

today, i had a small chat with a fren of mine who is in the same lecture as im for my Introduction to Social Work module. she was waiting for her senior before the lecture. because she wanted to pass something to her senior’s father. father?? yea. kinda confusing uh? rupa-rupanya, my fren used to work in the National University Hospital and her senior’s father was back then a patient of the hospital. it was a sad way to know a person because the uncle was suffering from cancer. it was already at the terminal stage.

therefore, she wished to pass a small little gift to her senior’s father as a blessing from her. it was a very sweet thing for her to do. i felt touched and sorry at the same time for her senior. it is something really awful to see someone u love so much to leave u soon. however, my fren told me the gift was not an expensive one. in fact, she cant even afford to buy any expensive things. she must learn to save more.

while waiting, we chatted about our interest. music was her interest. although she did not have any chance to learn any intruments, she likes arts and music a lot. her family were not able to send her to any music schools, let alone to say buying her any instruments. all of a sudden, i felt a pang of guilt. i was given a chance to learn piano. however, not only i did not truly appreciate the effort my parents have put in, i complained that it was not what i wanted after all. learning ballet was all i have ever wanted. my parents cant afford to send me for ballet lessons during that time. u know how expensive the examination fees and the cost of costumes at different levels are. to compensate it, they allowed me to learn piano from a teacher who was kind enough to charge us at a minimum fee. sigh…being the youngest in the family, i actually had the privilege to choose what i want. as for my brothers, they dont even dare to ask for anything as my family was very poor back then.

sometimes, we are so pampered in our family, in our parents comfort zone, that we took a lot of things for granted. there are so many things that we are now enjoying, things that seem to be more than a luxury to most people. however, we feel that we must have them or we should have them. besides, if we were to have a circle of frens who come from well-to-do families, it will soon make us feel like, we are supposed to have the things we are having now rather than, we should appreciate and cherish them.

i can say that im kind of still in my parents’ comfort zone, despite the fact that im goin to turn 21 this year. no matter how old i am, how mature i am, how good gal or bad gal i am, i know ill still be my parents little girl..forever..