The Unwanted

nowadays…
i seem to look out of my window more often
looking at the sea…
longing for something…
something that i myself don even know…

i really really wanna watch this very very the badly

Gong Xi Fa Cai!!

almost everybody went home for chinese new year
im stucked in my university hostel, prince george’s park
have been sleeping and watching movies the whole day
it has been so long since i can slacked the whole day since school started
wishing i could go home as well
well, ill be going home soon in few months time
that will be 3 months in my home

2molo will be going for reunion dinner with my relative in Singapore
it is really nice for them to invite me
will be going to some hotel in singapore
i cant really recall the name though
but im sure having dinner in a hotel in singapore on a chinese new year eve is cheap
so,im really honoured

itz been a long time since i last saw the aunty
hope ill present myself well
don wanna embarrass my parents
i mean, im 20 already
don wish people to carry words back to my parents
about how bad their upbringing is on me
in fact,im going to be 21 soon
can’t wait ..
well,maybe some would not be looking too forward to be 21
coz being an adult means more responsibility
getting out of the comfort zone of our parents
but i wish i could grow up soon
i wanna graduate faster
find a good job
get a high pay
so tat it is time for my parents to be in MY comfort zone
the place where they can sit back and relax
and let me take care of them
they have worked so hard to upbring me for who i am
it is indeed my responsibility
however, im faraway from being mature and wise
still a long way to go
but..i will learn..never stop learning
hoping one day,im mature and responsible enough
to repay my parents
=)

is marriage just a piece of paper?
i can’t even define love
am i in the position to answer tat question?
well, to me..
yes, it is.
*shock*
is it??haha
well, i used to believe marriage is something extraordinary important,something tat u have to think carefully, something tat u have to search for ‘the one’ to get married with
however, not anymore…

if marriage is something so important, something tat the couple cherish so mch
how could one betray the another even when they r married?
how could one has an affair when he /she had taken the vow, never to cheat each other?
how could one couple tat once love each other, end up divorcing each other and remarry someone else?
how could one beat up his wife, when he vowed tat he would take care of her for the rest of the life?
then wat is the point of getting married if u were not planning to cherish and treasure it?

ok. u might tell me, ‘marriage is about committment’
im not convinced, seriously
why be committed ONLY when u get married??
why can’t u be in a committment even if u r not married??
i mean i believe in if one couple were to seriously in love but never get married
if u were to truly love someone, u can be COMMITTED too even both of u din get married
besides,u SHOULD be committing urself once u have decided to be with tat person NOT WHEN U BOTH GET MARRIED OK??

im sorry..i know i might sound aggresive
but im just voicing out my thoughts

one more thing bout the marriage is just a piece of paper
sometimes, the one we marry, will not be the one we love the most
or should i say, sometimes the one we marry is not our true love
some people might be too afraid or scared to lose the one they truly love
therefore, they leave them b4 one day, the one they love will be gone( maybe due to death or car accidents..etc)

OR…

the one we love is in love with someone else
even if we were to get married with someone else
he/she won’t be the one we will be thinking day and nite or maybe forever..
eh??wait. i don believe in forever..
thinking day and nite and for the rest of the life

so…
that is all

*sobs..my leng chai din go to class today. i purposely dressed up myself and..sobs..waaawaaa

yesterday was a significant day for me
some of u may find it stupid
but….
yesterday was officially the very first day i wore a spaghetti strap shirt!!!!!
wahahaha
wahahhaa
wahahaah

okok.
finally, my dad gave me the permisson to start wearing them
so, i can wear them anytime and anywhere i want
isn’t tat great?
but i did feel exposed
=P
i could not stop taking photos of my own
coz it is definately a day to be remembered
haha

jst pls try to bear with me for a while ok?

one more thing, i saw my ‘leng chai’ in NUS again
so happy..wahahaha
he is in the same microeconomics class with me
he used to wear his cap to class everyday last semester
no more this sem!!!
finally, i can see how cool his haircut is
ish!!! i saw him today again
but i was in a sleepy mood
was not in a good condition
tat means no more staying up late at nite on Sundays
coz i need to be in ultra good condition on my Monday lectures
hehe

i have just finished balloting for my tutorials
im glad tat i have frens in most of my modules
it is much much better than last semester
last semester, i went to lectures alone
except for History
i had Sue with me

this semester, i only have to attend one lecture alone
as for the tutorials
i tried to ballot for the same tutorials with frens
hope tat i can get all my first choice timeslot

school started already
not used to it at all
but my Introduction to Social Work module was quite fun though
tat is the only lecture i have to attend alone
the lecturer was quite fun
but if u were to wear the wrong colour on tat day, u’ll be asked to answer questions
haha
coz he likes students to answer his questions
he’ll be like..’the student in RED, pls answer my question’
haha…tat is the only thing tat worries me

this is the last exposure module im gonna take
it was not my first choice
i wanted to take Communications and New Media at first
it clashes with my other modules
then i wanted to take Sociology
clashes again
so, without any other choices,i had to take the Social Work

as i was saying, the lecturer was funny

lecturer: ‘what is social worker for?’
student: ‘to help people with problems?’
lecturer: ‘problems like?’
student: ’stress?’
lecturer: ‘ ok.now,turn to the person beside u, ask them, what stresses them the most.’

the person sitting beside me: ‘wat stresses u the most?’
me:’ er…getting a high CAP?’

lecturer: ‘ok. now,tell me. what stresses u guys the most? exams? signing up for courses in CORS? getting to classes? OR finding someone to spend the rest of ur life with?’

i was like ,’ huh? tat actually consider a stress?’
haha…

basically, my first week of lectures is fine.
thanks Chun Kit for attending the FNA lecture with me
(coz he was supposed to attend the Monday one.he said tat he PURPOSELY teman me. not becoz he is too lazy to go the Monday class. haha. yea, PURPOSELY teman me,so tat can bully me with teh yi jin? )
seriously,thanks alot.=)

hoping everything will be fine this semester

*praying hard*

frens are important
very important to me
however, i have problems knowing frens in my own faculty
i do feel lonely all the time
coz during form 6
i have been pampered constantly by 2 of my best frens who are not in NUS with me
they r both now in UUM

i miss how Lih used to organize my things
i miss how Lih used to nag me to study

i miss how Chin Wei used to teach me patiently on Mathematics
i miss how Chin Wei used to encourage me

i miss how nice it was when they were both with me during form 6
tat day,i went back to Malaysia
finding out tat i really miss them a lot
it is hard to leave them and meet them 4 months later

yea..i know..we cant always stay in the past rite?
we hav to look forward..blah blah …
i know lar!!
but..i just miss my form 6 life
Uni sucks lar!

i had so much fun when i went back during december

we went to Ebox to sing Karaoke

then, we went to our form 6 class gathering as well
although not everyone was there, but it was great to meet old classmates

cant wait to go back to Malaysia during my 3 months break.
yay yay!!

yesterday,
i received a call from my mum
she said tat she has something to tell me
it was a shocking news
my English tuition teacher had just passed away on the 2nd of January
i was stunned
i know tat she had been struggling with cancer
but i remember asking my fren how she was tat day
coz my fren’s sister is close fren with Mrs. Chan’s daughter
my fren said tat she was fine
so, i tot tat she might be fine and recovering
it was so stupid of me not to go visit her when i went back to Malaysia
i only have myself to blame
i felt so sorry for her
i wanna see her
i wanna tok to her
i wanna thank her
i wanna…

sobs….

how could i din go to visit her
how could i be so mean and ungrateful
how could i?????????????

therefore, people…
do cherish the people u love and the people who love u
anything can happen in split seconds
do not regret when u can still make changes now

Mrs. Chan, thanks for everything
i miss u…
rest in peace…

海平面遠方開始陰霾
悲傷要怎麼平靜純白
我的臉上
始終挾帶
一抹淺淺的無奈

你用唇語說你要離開
(心不在)
那難過無聲慢了下來
洶湧潮水
你聽明白
不是浪而是淚海

轉身離開
(你有話說不出來)
分手說不出來
海鳥跟魚相愛
只是一場意外
我們的愛
(給的愛)
差異一直存在
(回不來)
風中塵埃
(等待)
竟累積成傷害

轉身離開
(分手說不出來)
分手說不出來
蔚藍的珊瑚海
錯過瞬間蒼白
當初彼此
(你我都)
不夠成熟坦白

(不應該)
熱情不再
(你的)
笑容勉強不來
愛深埋珊瑚海

毀壞的沙雕如何重來
有裂痕的愛怎麼重蓋
只是一切
結束太快
你說你無法釋懷

貝殼裡隱藏什麼期待
(等花兒開)
我們也已經無心再猜
面向海風
鹹鹹的愛
嘗不出還有未來

轉身離開
(你有話說不出來)
分手說不出來
海鳥跟魚相愛
只是一場意外
我們的愛
(給的愛)
差異一直存在
(回不來)
風中塵埃
(等待)
竟累積成傷害

轉身離開
(分手說不出來)
分手說不出來
蔚藍的珊瑚海
錯過瞬間蒼白
當初彼此
(你我都)
不夠成熟坦白
(不應該)
熱情不再
(你的)
笑容勉強不來
愛深埋珊瑚海