The Unwanted

now, i truly feel how hard it is for Chung Yee to maintain as a vegetarian. i truly feel how hard it is…

im on vegetarian for 9 days, until next wednesday due to a festival going on. it is the God’s 9th son’s birthday( something like that). anyway, im a buddhist. being a vegetarian is good, i never complain a word for being one for 9 days. itz just that i have been eating from the same food stall for the same vegetables for 2 days for lunch and dinner. it is still ok with me though, but i somehow really admire the vegetarians in NUS. they can actually stick to their belief and principle. i have been eating quite little in these few days coz there’s nothing much for me to choose and i don wanna eat something im not supposed to eat accidentally.

we went to clementi just now for dinner. sadly, i din have my dinner there. becoz the kopitiam foodcourt don have any vegetarian stalls there. i actually bought one plate of wanton noodles without the meat. but then itz not vegetarian, coz they might use sauces which contain meat. therefore, i gave my plate of noodles to Meng Tat to finish it. i have to see everyone having their dinner. i was so hungry as i just had one meal today which is at 12pm. after that, we went to NTUC(fair price) to shop. i bought vegetarian maggie mee, bread, brocolli and mushroom soup. i totally depend on them for the next 5 days. when i reached PGP, i quickly went to cook myself one packet of maggie mee. coz i was so hungry that my legs were weak.

speaking of me being a buddhist, i feel sinful for one thing i did. i have never, NEVER taken any beef in my life before. i know buddhist can eat beef but since im also praying the Goddess of Mercy,im not supposed to eat beef. bout the sinful thing i did, i actually ate beef for the first time in my whole life. accidentally of coz. i went to Susan’s fashion show. they had a buffet style dinner. i went to take the spaghetti and the sauce. i din know it was beef as u know, people usually serve chicken rite?? and there’s no sign stating that it was beef. i took my first bite of spaghetti and i knew something was wrong. i asked,’is this beef?’ and i got a ‘yes’ for my answer!!! i was so shocked and i spitted everything out of my mouth.ok, i know it was obscene, but…i was so so upset at that time and i felt like throwing up. i just could not believe it. sorry to say that, but i din eat the whole plate of spaghetti after that.

i felt so guilty but there’s nothing could be done. sinful, i feel…