The Unwanted

friends are easy to make but good friends are seldom to be met. i used to believe a lot in friendship. i put in all my heart in friendships that sometimes i would get scolded from my parents for that. i used to cry at home, asking why are friends treating me like that while i truly cherish them. my parents told me, i shall not be too naive, i shall learn to protect myself. yes, daddy mummy…i have learnt. when u have got hurt too much ,ur heart would get numb that u would decide to give up. i have learnt my lessons in frienship. i shall learn not to trust too much and not to give in too much. therefore,(you know who u are),i shall not blame u that u don believe in me. i ,as well don believe in friends too much now. it is good that u r doing the right thing. coz it took me quite long to learn this lesson. sometimes, when u sacrifice or contribute too much, u tend to expect more from others, if u don get the same thing u contributed, u would be very disappointed and hurt. my first stage of friends were bout that. the second stage of friends betraying me, getting angry and never talk to me for reasons that now i still could not figure out. tatz y itz true when i told people that im not the popular gal in school and many people do not like me much as a friend.

well, i have learnt a lot.although it still hurts a lot when i recalled things, however,i shall learn to put things down…it takes time though. therefore, now, i shall not give in all my heart. i shall reserve some space for myself to fall back if i ever get hurt again. therefore,i don like the ‘new’ me. coz tatz not the real me and i strongly believe friendships do not go the ‘new’ way i have learnt. however, this world is very realistic. daddy mummy, i would learn and get used to the ‘new’ way, so that i can be part of this realistic world.

after all that,i still get hurt when (you know who u are) said i left u. u know what. when i read ur blog, the way u r describing urself, i thought i was seeing myself. the ‘old’ me! kinda weird though. u said it made u look stupid for staying up late when i left early to slp rite? that was how i used to feel all the time in friendships. itz like im the only one putting so much effort in making the friendship works rite? i totaly and truly understand how u actually feel. i can actually feel your disappointment. =P. well, itz kinda a pity for u to know the ‘new’ me but not the ‘old’ me.coz i have become a more selfish person and try not to give in all my heart in friendships. poor you…i won’t be mad at you for saying things bout the incident. if it was the ‘old’ me, i can promise and guarantee i won’t behave the way im behaving now. so…maybe some time later, i can see the ‘ new’ me in you.haha…

thanks for cherishing our friendship. u r ,no doubt ,indeed, a very nice and good friend.

你是否看得見我眼裡那一直存在著的悲傷？

如果悲傷是住在我心裡的話，你可否把我的心給帶走？

人到傷心的盡頭時，可以哭不出一滴眼淚．．．

my palm are sweating, my heart is beating furiously… im starting to feel the pressure of NUS. just look out from my window, everybody is mugging in their room. midterm break has just gone and midterm test is just around the corner. my midterm break is totaly wasted with not much study being done.

why oh why?why do i repeat the same mistake everytime when exams come? last-minute-study is a big NO NO in during STPM, what more to say in NUS?

i really can’t imagine everyone actually told me that University is EASY? i don see EASY in any of my subjects. sigh… and that after suffering in STPM, University is the time to relax and enjoy. yea,i did relax and enjoy at first and see how deep trouble i have got myself into.

the usual ritual before exam:
*crossing fingers and PRAY hard*
*promise to study hard everyday after this*

3 test in one week.

how to finish where:
1)all are close book exams
2)only political science subject itself has more than 50 pages to read?
3)have not even started history yet?
4)economics, more to go

since im now in Singapore where everyone tends to be more kiasu, the ritual i have mentioned have to be done twice or thrice DAILY.

everyone went home. ok. almost everyone went home. i mean all my close frens went home and dumped me here alone. i wana go home as well.

im sick. wana get some rest. din study at all. term break totally wasted. sigh…

i have decided not to use the post password thingy coz i feel more comfortable now to express my views. before this, i actually feel a bit “exposed”. hehe…i know im thinking too much. or maybe becoz i had experiences like that before? watever. sometimes you just don understand why people do such things to you even if itz not their area of business. not that i can control. i try to ignore. sometimes it does upset me alot but im trying real hard not to be controlled as i have mentioned in my previous blog. i want to leave the ‘old’ me behind. but…do i actually like the ‘new’ me??

im kinda happy today. quite rare u know for me. as you know, i have never been happy since i came to NUS. well, something susan said yesterday struck me. i mean she said she chose NUS because itz different from studying in any other university in Malaysia. In NUS, you get to meet people from all walks of life. so, when you look back next time, ull be like ‘oh…so im from such a great university’and next time you can tell your grandchildren that,you know, i studied in such a pretigious university, i met people from different countries,china,vietnam,pakistan,india,thailand…u name it. itz kinda like an achievement uh??
well, maybe susan is right. i actually felt better after hearing that. maybe i should learn not to regret but learn to love and be grateful. since im here, i should not make myself unhappy rite??why not enjoy my university life and make the best out of it in these 4 years. thanks susan!

ok.one more thing is,thank you chew ruzhi for informing me bout the PC fair thingy in Suntec City. if it wasn’t you,i wont get to know bout it rite???happy??haha…jst kidding.but thanks anyway(right from the bottom of my heart).

one more thing, i don understand why do people steal,snatch or even rob??i mean if you wanna rob or snatch,go target people who are much richer!!!!i mean my mum and dad work so hard to earn a living and yet those crazy people just snatched and ran off. screw you people!!poor mummy…i really have to learn to save more…

one one more thing, something came to my mind that day. in my view point, i feel that people who have gotten a university degree or even at a master or at doctorate level,doesnt mean they are educated. i can just say there are literate. people who din get much education can be educated people as well.coz they might have lots of experience in life that we,literate people don have. people who are rude,etc. can be literate in the sense that they might have a good education,but that doesnt mean they are educated rite??for example, my brother is a ACCA graduate,he is more litterate than my parents i can say,but my parents are more educated than him as my parents have faced and know more things in life than him.um…what do you think??

yay!!yesterday was a good day. i went to simlim and suntec city’s PC fair as well. so happy. at first, i wanted to shop for keyboard protector,webcam and mouse only. then,i ended up buying SPEAKERS!!! can u believe it?? i have never ever thought of buying speakers. to me,it was unnecessary at first.hehe…but then they said ill spoil my laptop speaker if i keep turning on the full blast everyday. im scared and worried for my apple.thatz why ended buying speakers.plus with WOOFER somemore leh.don play play.haha..itz even in white colour!! forget to mention that my mouse is white in colour too. so matching!!!the brand of my speaker is sonicgear. wanted to buy altec lensing at first, but then too expensive. moreover, itz not in white. hehe…my mouse is genius one.i even bought a keyboard protector for my keyboard.my apple need extra care…

bad news i got yesterday. now only i know apple computers only have 2 types of brand of webcam can be used.itz either the apple webcam or the logitech webcam. both also quite expensive. kinda sad actually. but even if i know this would happen before i purchase apple, i would still buy apple.haha…